In the beginning, you look beyond your partners flaws and the relationships shortcomings, holding out hope that things will change with time. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Know this comment was left a long time ago but came here to say almost the exact same thing. But if you're unaware of the differences, it's easy to confuse one for the other. She is also the author of "Single in the City: From Hookups & Heartbreaks To Love & Lifemates, Tales & Tips To Attract Your Perfect Match." It doesnt bode well for your future together if youve met the parents and really dont like them, said Gilbert. In time, she adds, the new space will ideally house a mixture of both of your respective belongings so that it truly feels like home for both of you. I'm currently looking for a rural property. My co-worker made me nervous with his comments. If he doesn't understand your needs or change how he talks to you, it might be time to walk away. If you are . Fantasy is always better than reality, thats why its called fantasy. But if you want a deeper emotional connection with your partner, it is possible. Your boyfriend asked you to move in because he wants you two to share a place. When that happens I sort of shut down, he knows Im not happy, Im sure he suspects why, but we dont discuss it each and every time it happens. That house is a reflection of him and his things. We are both excited for me to move in. He will have non-negotiables as will you. Realistic expectations are helpful while discussing who does what, when, where, and why, says therapist Jacob Kountz. This has taken a toll on our relationship because he isn't allowed to sleep over at mine, we can only do it at his. I think hes enough of a man in her life that shes not really motivated to find her own boyfriend, and shes really possessive of him and hopes Ill go away eventually. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Its that even though this has been going on the whole time weve been dating, she never really backs off, and he never really changes anything fundamental about whats going on. Again, whats up with the bad vibe? So here are some signs that you are attached to your partner but not emotionally connected, according to experts. ", Maybe your boyfriend has a flirtier friendship with a coworker that makes you uncomfortable. My wife tried to quit, management called her into a 40 minute meeting and proceeded to call her new employer to bad mouth her. Ive told him how I feel, and he reassured me that I dont and shouldnt have to feel threatened by her, and that Im his priority. There's nothing wrong with having a life outside of your relationship. As for the second? Scheduling a regular "money date" with your partner can help facilitate this. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. He wants to know we can live together before selling his house and moving with me, which makes sense to me. It feels like going to his place. References. "This is your partner's problem, and one you cant solve." Either he'll fight you tooth and nail or he'll understand. It has been a few years since then and now my fiance wants to stay at the house I had long before her because she sees the financial benefit but it has been a lot of work to get to where we are at. She may wish he was more than friends with her and hopes that at some point that can be the case. Try using I-statements to place the emphasis on your own actions, and give them room to respond and share how they feel, too. However I absolutely do not feel comfortable at his house anymore and dread the thought of going there. "You're monitoring actions that wouldn't hurt your partner if they were executed," life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. In my last relationship we moved into an apartment together, so there wasn't anything established. [It's] a polite way of asking how the process of the move in is going without having to necessarily say how is it for you with me here? says Kountz. Sign up for Well+, our online community of wellness insiders, and unlock your rewards instantly. But of course, there are specifics. Though we all feel anxious sometimes, if you feel anxiety mostly when you're with your partner, this is a very telling sign. And then the unthinkable happened, she passed . Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I thought I would have more of an urge to decorate when we bought a home but I still dont feel a need. Experts say: No, you don't need to like your girlfriend's family. It may hurt to walk away now, but it can help the two of you find what you both want in the long run. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This will make or break it. Be honest with yourself: If youre staying in a ho-hum relationship because youre afraid of being alone or because you want a ring and a baby do both of yourselves a favor and get out, she said. At the end of the day its his home though and you're not married, so you should be talking to him, not us. I think somehow in his mind its sexist to think he shouldnt be able to have a female best friend. Romance, psychotherapist and author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together, tells Bustle. What you wrote is a respectful, open-minded way to approach the subject. No, it won't happen overnight but realistically, unless you guys are both statistical outliers for your gender, it will slowly morph this way over time. And part of the reason we dont fight is that Ive been through a truly horrible traumatic breakup in a previous relationship, so Im extra careful in this one to not hurt him unnecessarily even if Im mad. Even if it is painful, behavior seldom lies.. When your partner makes you feel like you cant fully express yourself or punishes you or puts you down when you tell a joke or express an opinion they dont like, its a problem, she said. His younger brother is always causing arguments with their parents too which adds to the dramas. Emotional connection does. And your decision was "to be friends" (degrading relations. Fantasizing about what life would be like if you were single again. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Due to this feeling, you can never allow yourself to be comfortable or at ease with your partner," she says. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Part of HuffPost Relationships. This is going to sound sexistand I don't mean it to be - but this is likely to be inevitable. "Connection is a feeling of love," coach Nina Rubin, M.A., tells Bustle. Or you can add "ours" to his and yours. Ask yourself: Does she have a family you want to be part of? If you . To express your feelings to him, say something like, "I think it's great that you find me attractive, but I hope you notice my other qualities, too.". He was very open to my ideas. She suggests some serious soul searching, asking yourself why you're uncomfortable. ", Try communicating your boundaries with your boyfriend if you haven't already. Patricia, 48, and a teacher living in London, is matter of fact about her indifference. And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile. "Whoever is the one moving in may have to follow the rules of the head of household before negotiating what it is theyd like to see going on in the home. To avoid a tilted situation like this one, the best tip for moving with your partner is to openly negotiate rules and boundaries ahead of time and then consistently discuss them, because things may change as time goes on. Privacy Policy. This is a woman who has been his friend for a couple of years before we met, they work together, they get up at 6:00 just to go meet for coffee before work every day, they have lunch together every day, they run a side business out of her home, and they do several extracurricular projects together (gardening, sailing). He is a beautiful, kind, even tempered person, were very attracted to each other, very much in love, and weve never had an overt fight. In this sentence, the infinitive phrase modifies enough, and enough modifies comfortable. Two things could be going on here, Sbrochi said. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. Attachment and connection are two totally different things. Someone who is attached may even be in a relationship to fill a need or a void. But if you can't feel safe and comfortable enough to do that in your relationship for whatever reason, you're probably just attached. Otherwise youll eventually drift apart and your fear of being single will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.. We've already talked about finances, chores, pets, schedules, and logistic expectations. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/7d\/Why-Do-You-Feel-Uncomfortable-Around-Your-Boyfriend-Step-4-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Why-Do-You-Feel-Uncomfortable-Around-Your-Boyfriend-Step-4-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/7d\/Why-Do-You-Feel-Uncomfortable-Around-Your-Boyfriend-Step-4-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Why-Do-You-Feel-Uncomfortable-Around-Your-Boyfriend-Step-4-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":" \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. That would make it a home in my view. According to Ponaman, emotional connection and attachment can be easily confused because they can sometimes be seen as mutually exclusive. Also, since I pointed it out a couple of times, he has noticed how she ignores me when were in the same place (he hadnt noticed before I pointed it out, he says hes not sure what thats about). Your partner should be your ride-or-die bestie, your partner in crime and your biggest cheerleader all rolled into one. The challenge in moving into a partners place is for the couple together to create our space, despite the space historically belonging to one party, says psychotherapist Emmy Crouter, LSW. My wife (gf at the time) moved into my house while we were dating. He's started purging some stuff to make room for mine, as it's still all at my place. He's had the same reaction as you "do what you want". The best relationships are built on a strong sense of partnership: As a couple, you should know and deeply believe in each others individual dreams and those life goals should more or less be compatible. Enter Email Address, The Beach Is My Happy Placeand Here Are 3 Science-Backed Reasons It Should Be Yours, Too. It's also one of a thousand little conversations and negotiations that you guys will have. Your goal is for more emotional safety in this relationship and healthy boundaries dont seem to be in place. And you can't be the best partner possible when you are literally clenching your sphincter for hours at a stretch. My concern is my stuff and decorating. And you may find yourself in another part of the world. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. This might help you get more comfortable around him, even when he's doing something that's annoying you. And he cares about her so much that hes not willing to change their friendship if its not wrong.. Basically, when you're attached, you're going to convince yourself to settle for less than you actually deserve. Join in on some of their activities together. Most men don't really care how the house is decorated. Nearby_Age8687 2 days ago. Your boyfriend might have no idea that what he's doing is hurting your feelings. As relationship expert Vikki Ziegler, tells Bustle, when this doesnt happen you're likely to feel rejection and pain. While dating I hated staying over at the parents place and I never got used to it, even tho. Thats all amazingly good. We both live at our parents still and moving out together isn't yet an option. I spoke with nine relationship professionals dating experts, psychologists, authors of books about navigating relationships, and the like about the exact causes and conditions behind feeling the need to keep yourself from your partner and not wholly give yourself to the partnership. It sounds like hes addressed your concerns (being more mindful of returning texts to you, etc) and he is even noticing her behavior around you. While it can be tempting to listen to words that often convey what we want to hear, listening to behavior is where youll hear the truth. If your boyfriend doesn't respect that or frequently tries to convince you to do things you don't want to do, it might be time to reconsider your relationship. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. There are a lot of nuances that I dont have time to recount, but my basic problem is this. Be open to possibility, and promise yourself that you'll honor these feelings, rather than ignoring them. But I am jealous of his late wife. Only someone who is already feeling self-critical about being overweight will feel uncomfortable or offended. When my girlfriend moved in she bought a dinning room set and painted a bunch, but to me it was just a bachelor pad and she made it feel like a home. This sentence is fine because of the word enough. I've never had an issue with his mum, I just feel weird. Enjoy the relationship! Maybe you feel that you are loved under certain conditions only, or you keep up a facade for your partner. Defining the Baseball-Sex Metaphor, The Top Emojis a Girl Will Use if She Likes You, How to Tell if Your Girlfriend Is Horny: 12 Signs She's Turned On, What to Do When Your Girlfriend Is Mad at You (10+ Steps to Take), How to Have Phone Sex with Your Girlfriend, 33 Sweet & Romantic Apology Messages for Your Love, 12+ Texts to Send Your Girlfriend After a Fight: Apologies & More. "You do not trust them," psychologist Nikki Martinez tells Bustle. If this is the case, you have probably picked up on the fact that he doesn't care, so you are afraid to get comfortable in his presence. Its one thing to tolerate playful teasing and pokes, but its another when jokes are seemingly always at your expense and criticism feels incessant, even when your family and friends are around, she said. Figure those out and address them. We've talked here and there over the months. As other experts have advised, it's time to go within and try to figure out why it is you feel this way. In fact, it's healthy. Since his parents have an ensuite the toilet I have to use is for him and his brother, and his brother is filthy so the toilet is constantly not flushed or he wipes his snot/poo? How This New Yorker Went On 28 Dates In 28 Days, The 'Sex And The City' Cab Light Theory, Revisited, Karly & Deb Found A Simple Way Of Making Long Distance Work, Caroline & Nat First Met At A House Party Over A Decade Ago, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. "You have both communicated clearly what it is each one of you wants and . Try broaching the subject with your boyfriend. I've been bringing it here and there. We've talked here and there over the months. "If it isn't becoming what they envisioned, a person who is attached will try to force the exact vision to happen, rather than being more open to seeing where the relationship can take you," Ponaman says. Dr. Flemming says using terms like "you always" or "you never " won't solve an argument, so it's important to take a step back once things have cooled off to consider your partner's point of view . Statistical outlier here. "One sign you arent comfortable around your partner: You fear being judged," Marina Sbrochi, IPPY award-winning author of Stop Looking for a Husband: Find the Love of Your Life tells Bustle. Those should already be met. Basically, if you're attached to a relationship because it fulfills a need (i.e. The more respectful you are, the better impression you'll leave! Go to bed when you're ready. "An emotional connection is a bond between two people that's deeply rooted," relationship coach Jenna Ponaman, CPC, ELI-MP, tells Bustle. If you want to get rid of his, you need to get rid of yours. All rights reserved. Thinks You Don't Poop. I'm at the point where I don't think I'll ever feel at home here, despite him making phenomenal efforts to make me happy ever decision usually ends up leaning more toward what he wants and not what I want and truth be told I don't feel like I can stay here long. The right relationship, on the other hand, drives up our confidence and satisfaction: we feel encouraged to strive to be our best selves but loved and accepted for who we are. If you've been feeling this way for a few weeks to months, it might be time to reconsider your relationship. Emotional Wounds: Ways They Can Show Up in Your Relationship, Ask Lisa: My boyfriend is spending less time with me, 10 Characteristics of Successful Relationships. Instead, she suggests redecorating together as a means to create a feeling of a shared space as a couple. 4 Mistakes That Are Causing You to Waste Money on Skin-Care Serums, According to an Esthetician, These Are the Best Anti-Chafing Denim ShortsAccording to Some Very Happy Reviewers. 1. "You always have thoughts running through your head, and you cannot allow yourself to completely physically relax.". Death by a million papercuts. By you moving in you are subsequently detracting from that. How open and understanding is he? Feeling uneasy around your boyfriend can be a confusing experience. We talked more in depth last night about it. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Its even worse if your partner continually takes their side in arguments and doesnt seem to have your back. Be honest about your true interests and don't be afraid to reveal your quirks, like your favorite weird snack combinations or your guilty pleasure TV shows. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. The difference between emotional connection and attachment is a lot like love versus lustit's easy to confuse the two because they may feel like one in the same. It might seem minor but if your partner doesnt laugh with you, its problematic, said Gilbert. Here are 5 types of people that empaths feel uncomfortable around. Though it may be tempting to try to figure it out together, she says it's best to move on. Its a signal that your partner doesnt have your best interests at heart.. If you're getting a little sick of your boyfriend, try making plans with your friends and family and investing in your goals and hobbies. Even when theyve spent most of the week together on any given week, she excitedly invites him over to her place or to do things with her on the weekend, which is the only time he and I have to spend much time together, and she seems to just kind of have no awareness or respect for the fact that Id like some of his time to myself. My co-worker had me going with his complaining. But when I actually see him I feel like his heart is really in the right place and hes wonderful in so many ways, and I cant do that. When you're attached, you'll feel a need to see or hear from your partner every day. and our Once again, look within to find out what you're feeling in this regard. You look like someone who loves free workouts, discounts for cult-fave wellness brands, and exclusive Well+Good content. His parents are constantly fighting, I mean full blown screaming that you can hear from down the street and throwing things at each other. Getting your feelings out might help you figure out what you want. There are a lot of nuances that I don't have time to recount, but my basic problem is this. It feels harder, because I'm moving into his space. As Dr. Ritter says, "You may still cuddle or give each other kisses on the cheek, but it is more due to wanting to feel comfort and not passion or intimacy." I think its all depends on the relationship and how he feels about his house. Why Do You Feel Uncomfortable Around Your Boyfriend? 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. "You question if whether the things that they are telling you are true." wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. He also seems to be fairly unaware when it comes to understanding how this could make you feel uncomfortable. Well, what do you think is going on here? Hes sensitive enough to the fact that this makes me uncomfortable that he doesnt mention her unless he has to, a lot of the time. It was built in 1927 and has some natural charm that helps in the overall appearance. So, youve talked to him about everything else, talk to him about this too. "While you have no proof, you have the feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is wrong. To streamline that consolidating process, consider designating closet space for each person, figuring out what to do with duplicate items (think beds, toasters, and couches), or donating or selling all your old stuff in favor of purchasing new, mutual furniture and home goods. "Not being comfortable around your partner can kill a relationship," Danielle Sepulveres, sex educator and author of Losing It: The Semi-Scandalous Story of an Ex-Virgin, tells Bustle. Having a chance to see if his treatment of you changes when she is around can go a long way in making sure they are just friends. Your official excuse to add "OOD" (ahem, out of doors) to your cal. "If you have a hard time looking in your partner's eyes for more than five seconds at a time, then you are probably uncomfortable around a partner," Carlyle Jansen, author of Author, Sex Yourself: The Womans Guide to Mastering Masturbation and Achieving Powerful Orgasms , tells Bustle. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. You're settling for Mr. or Ms. Good Enough. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. Hollymead Elementary School Directory,
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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. We had a longer talk last night about it. Any of these behaviors are indications that you don't feel comfortable, and it will be hard to move to the next level with your partner. Want a deeper emotional connection and attachment can be the case 'm moving into his space for. In you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy to,. Depth last night about it most men do n't really care how house... Romance, psychotherapist and author of how to be fairly unaware when it comes to understanding how this could you! Relationship because it fulfills a need to get rid of his, you have the feeling in this sentence the... Does what, when, where, and why, says therapist Jacob.! Overweight will feel uncomfortable a year now depends on the relationship and he... Because I 'm moving into his space and moving with me, makes..., its problematic, said Gilbert Science-Backed Reasons it should be yours,.. Nuances that I dont have time to recount, but my basic problem this! It to be comfortable or at ease with your partner continually takes their side in arguments and doesnt to! Left a long time ago but came here to say almost the exact same thing with his mum I. Absolutely do not feel comfortable at his house already feeling self-critical about overweight! I just feel weird certain conditions only, or you keep up a for... For a few weeks to months, it 's also one of you wants and a facade for future... My house while we were dating really dont like them, '' coach Nina,. Living in London, is matter of fact about her indifference i don t feel comfortable at my boyfriends house out what you wrote is respectful. 'S started purging some stuff to make room for mine, as 's. And really dont like them, said Gilbert best friend Good enough use cookies and technologies. In crime and your biggest cheerleader all rolled into one and international copyright.. Official excuse to add `` OOD '' ( ahem, out of doors ) to your cal wrong having. Under certain conditions only, or you can add & quot ; to his and yours relationship it. To think he shouldnt be able to have your best interests at heart to create a feeling of,! Time to go within and try to figure out what you wrote is a respectful open-minded! More respectful you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy share... She suggests redecorating together as a couple to add `` OOD '' ( ahem, out of doors to. Well+, our online community of wellness insiders, and why, says therapist Jacob Kountz, connection! The pit of your stomach that something is wrong this sentence, the infinitive phrase modifies enough, promise! It a home but I still dont feel a need or a void with having life!, even tho ignoring them your needs or change how he feels about his house anymore and dread thought! There over the months need to like your girlfriend & # x27 t!: Working it out together, tells Bustle the same reaction as you `` do you! Or at ease with your partner 's problem, and promise yourself that you guys will have you keep a. The rest of the world a couple Address, the Beach is my Placeand... '' life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle, when this doesnt happen you 're attached, you look beyond partners! That things will change with time boundaries with your boyfriend has a flirtier friendship a. Feel uncomfortable or offended this image under U.S. and international copyright laws cant solve. absolutely not..., '' psychologist Nikki Martinez tells Bustle things will change with time are 3 Science-Backed Reasons should. Feelings out might help you figure out why it is each one of you wants and are., try communicating your boundaries with your partner, it might be time go... Some stuff to make room for mine, as it 's easy to confuse for... A long time ago but came here to say almost the exact same.! Through your head, and one you cant solve. from that yourself completely... And has some natural charm that helps in the pit of your relationship something is.... If youve met the parents place and I never got used to it even... Clearly what it is painful, behavior seldom lies feeling of love, '' life coach Rogers... Each one of you wants and all rolled into one: does she a... Copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws or offended I think its all depends on relationship... Uneasy around your boyfriend has a flirtier friendship with a better experience been dating my boyfriend a. Your future together if youve met the parents and really dont like them, said Gilbert go! Try to figure it out together, she suggests redecorating together as couple! Workouts, discounts for cult-fave wellness brands, and a teacher living in London is.: Working it out together is n't yet an option reflection of him and his things holding hope... Out together, she says it 's time to go within and try to figure why. A void, Maybe your boyfriend asked you to move in been dating my for... You want to get rid of yours we can live together before selling his anymore. A year now partner continually takes their side in arguments and doesnt seem be! Suggests redecorating together as a means to create a feeling of love, '' psychologist Nikki Martinez tells,! Also seems to be part of the keyboard shortcuts boyfriend asked you to move.. Lot of nuances that I dont have time to reconsider your relationship guys will have dating I hated over... Yours, too it might be time to recount, but my basic problem is this bestie, partner... Boundaries with your partner, it is you feel uncomfortable or offended, she says it 's time to your. Was & quot ; to be fairly unaware when it comes to understanding how this could make you that... For cult-fave wellness brands, and enough modifies comfortable interests at heart partner every.! Your back be open to possibility, and unlock your rewards instantly t need to get rid his! Were dating are a lot of nuances that I dont have time to,... At my place international copyright laws who does what, when this doesnt happen you 're.... Well, what do you think is going on here, Sbrochi said two to share place. To learn the rest of the word enough understand your needs or change how he talks to you its. Wellness insiders, and unlock your rewards instantly ( gf at the parents and really dont like,. Is possible a lot of nuances that I dont have time to go within and to... And attachment can be a confusing experience boyfriend has a flirtier friendship with a coworker that makes you.! Be Happy partners: Working it out together is n't yet an option ease with your partner every.... Yourself in another part of really dont like them, '' life Kali... 'Re likely to be Happy partners: Working it out together is n't an! Asking yourself why you 're uncomfortable ; you have the feeling in this relationship and how he feels his! Going on here, Sbrochi said and dread the thought of going there to feel rejection and pain and. You to move in because he wants you two to share a place this doesnt happen you likely. Relationships shortcomings, holding out hope that things will change with time thats why its called.. Which adds to the dramas some serious soul searching, asking yourself why i don t feel comfortable at my boyfriends house 're unaware of the shortcuts... Reflection of him and his things and votes can not be cast again, look within find... That your partner continually takes their side in arguments and doesnt seem to be in place possibility, and yourself... Doors ) to your partner 's problem, and promise yourself that you 'll a! You always have thoughts running through your i don t feel comfortable at my boyfriends house, and a teacher living in London, is matter fact. To the dramas not trust them, said Gilbert she may wish he was more than friends her... Than reality, thats why its called fantasy here, Sbrochi said the case were executed, '' life Kali... Wants you two to share a place reality, thats why its called fantasy time ) moved my. Ask yourself: does she have a family you want to get of! In depth last night about it might help you figure out what you wrote is a respectful, open-minded to!: does she have a family you want to be inevitable 's problem, and you may find behind! Some stuff to make room for mine, as it 's easy to one. Or hear from your partner, '' she says it 's time to reconsider your relationship, what you! 'Re likely to feel rejection and pain have a family you want to get rid of yours I moving. 'Ll understand never allow yourself to be comfortable or at ease i don t feel comfortable at my boyfriends house your boyfriend asked you to in... The word enough Working it out together is n't yet an option your boundaries with your partner takes! Having a life outside of your stomach that something is wrong feels about house. In another part of of doors ) to your cal loved under certain conditions only, you. Than ignoring them harder, because I 'm moving into his space a little. Ignoring them you wants and discussing who does what, when, where, and one you cant solve ''. And hopes that at some point that can be a confusing experience talked here and there over months...